Bewbs and the Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder (if by boulder you mean saggy coin stuffed nylons)
(Originally Published March 4, 2009)
I used to have extremely large bewbs. It’s true, I wore like six sports bras during cross country and still got black eyes. Those suckers were so large, I could barely hold my neck up right. I sordda sagged forward and let them rest on the table or desk during school and could only wear the “special” bras that cost two mortgage payments.
Then, when the insurance was great, I got them reduced. I went from DDD to “B”. Such a lovely little B. I wore tank tops and cheap bras. I ran. I stood up straight.
Then I had kids.
Holy flapping-in-the-wind, Batman. These bitches often are the star in the song, “Do your bewbs hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental Solider? Do your Bewbs. Hang. Low.”
One of the unfortunate side effect of the reduction is some loss in nipple sensation. Or, rather, that was what I understood. However, these pups can sniff wind from three states away and pucker up for a kiss. I’m often called upon to cut glass with these things.
I hate headlights.
A good friend of mine and I crossed over in to the “how well we know each other” stage when we confessed to each other we’d wear band-aids on our nipples to keep them down. BAND-AIDS.
Oh the shame.
So because I’m completely enept at acctually purchasing bras, I need your help. I come here to room 704 asking you for your best, most favorite, non-imported-from-a-small-mill-in-Russia bra. What do you love? Is it padded? And godbless how to you hide the nips? At this rate, I really should be moving back to Houston. At least there I only show sweat stains under my breasts and not nips. Lesser evil, people. Lesser evil.
23 Responses to “Bewbs and the Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder (if by boulder you mean saggy coin stuffed nylons)”
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Author: Mrs. Flinger
I always hated buying bras and always bought the cheapos, then one day my MIL bought me a gift card to Victoria’s Secret…I’ve never looked back. I still hate paying $50 for a bra but I have four that I rotate and I don’t wash after every wear. I have both the “very sexy” and the “bio-fit”. I get the push up not because I really want the lift or need to look bigger but because the padding prevents the headlights from EVER showing. I highly recommend.
http://www.barenecessities.com/Wacoal_product_WACOAL85185_,size,.htm
helps my nipple problem as well as my bigger left boob problem. Wacoal is fabulous and I have tried LOTS.
I love Barely There’s Invisible Look Underwire bra #4104. I discovered it worked well for me a couple of years ago and it’s the only bra I’ve bought and worn since. It’s comfortable and not horribly expensive, it lasts a long time, and while it’s not pretty exactly it’s not ugly either. And, it’s lightly padded! So it definitely helps cut down on the headlights phenomenon.
You are CRACKING me up! I…umm…do go to a specialty store, but it’s because the bands at Victoria Secret, etc. are too flimsy and don’t fit tightly enough. So sorry! I don’t have any cheap bra stories to tell (at least successful ones.)
I do know that most of the support should come from the band, not the straps. It’s a mantra that makes me decline a lot of cute bras, but it makes me feel like I’m quite light indeed.
Me and bras are not friends, but when I bother wearing them? I stick to La Senza’s So Free line. Generally smooth enough to wear under anything, lined or padded and pretty comfy – compared to rest I’ve tried, and they’re cheap. And they carry both of my sizes (depending on the calendar) 32D or DD.
*LOL* I found these at the Target site, but, you can usually buy them cheaper in the store:
http://tinyurl.com/bewbholder
I have 6 of these, all different colors. I wear a 38 D. Hard to find, so I get a bunch when I need them.
Victoria’s Secret makes a bra specially designed to hide nips. The Apex I think??
Get thee to the mall and get felt up by overly made up women.
My fave bra is Playtex Half Sizes Too bra. It is a molded cup and has underwire support. It keeps my girls looking perky and hides the headlights. And they are about $10 each so not bad on the wallet either.
Dude, I can so relate. Well not to the DDD (glad you whipped those suckers in to submission) but on the nip thing. I have also done the bandaid thing. Gawd, seriously my nips have been the subject of jokes by the hubby and the bff. Anyhoo, love my *gasp* Sears Bra. Just enough padding to uh dim the headlights but not so much that I look like I’m trying to hard.
Bali makes a bra with a pretty little flower design inside that is specifically for keeping the nips down. Unfortunately, they do not make a size F.
I second vdog on the Victoria’s Secret suggestion. They have always hidden my nips.
However, if during your reduction and subsequent replacement of the nips, they put them where they were apparently suppost to be…then stay away from their demis. I have to admit, there aren’t many things more annoying in life than having your HELLO DOLLY nips hanging out over the TOP of your bra.
Not that I had mine moved after getting implants or anything.
Ahem.
Nordstrom will help you figure out your size. They have a fitter. Yes, it is a bit humiliating but very helpful.
I like *some* VS bras. The thicker the better for preventing “headlights.”
As soon as I can muster up the courage to have another go at bra shopping, I will be glad to tell you. I have been on at least three expeditions: two were a complete bust (really no pun intended) and at Vicky’s Secret I was peer pressured by a seventeen year old into buying a bra that I had to return.
Good luck.
Am currently wearing a Bali Concealers – it fits okay – but not great. However there is nothing poking out & that is a good thing. Well, nothing except for that 3rd boob which should go away with the shredding…ohhh please go away with the shredding.
okay. first of all. I hate to break it to you* – but there is no way you were at 38DDD unless you were also overweight. just cuz I’ve seen you nearly naked. not CMGuide naked, but you know. A 38DDD is a 38F. I would guess you were a 34, probably a 32, but I don’t want to freak you out. 38F=36G, 36G=34H
So my dear, I’m guessing you were actually a 34H but because no one in the states understands that bras come bigger than D you were always mismeasured.
That said. All the hot pretty girls I went to grad school with swore by Gap Body. I will go shopping around for you and this might just be my Friday post.
*that’s not true. I love being the tittybra know it all
@kaiseralex You said tittybra!
I have always gone to Nordstroms and done the bra fitting with their ever-so-helpful ladies. Thankfully, they are usually old and look nothing like the bitches at VS, so it’s a little less humiliating. But, really, it’s so worth it! You tell them what you are looking for (as far as not fancy, for support, etc) and they run around pulling a million bras for you to try on. They bring them to you, trade sizes, help with fit, etc if you want them to. They are great. Do expect to spend $50-$80 on a bra there though. I have three from there that I wear and wash through rotation. The crazy bitch at Nordies tried to tell me that I was a 32E though – I had a few choice words for her…but you know what? She was RIGHT and I found a bra that fit better than I ever would have imagined. I do have one word for you – NUDE- do not buy any other color in my opinion. White bras should be OUTLAWED and black bras, while they do have their place in the world, do not need to reside in your drawer- I know you- you don’t need a black bra.
You know what you do need though?? http://tinyurl.com/aq59q8
HAHA.
Like I said, I know you…you NEED those.
So…when you go to shop for one, don’t be shocked at whatever size they give you (all bras sizes are different between brands and fit very differently, so you might be spread between a few sizes depending on the bra) and also don’t go for beauty. Who cares what it looks like- we need support and comfort. You will find the perfect bra, I guarantee it! You just have to be patient and be prepared to try on like 40 bras. A little tip…did you know, the lower your back band (to a certain extent of course) the more LIFT you get up front?? It’s more about the band than the straps (as someone already said)…So pull down those back bands ladies and watch the girls rise at attention! GOOD LUCK. I will happily go shopping with you if you need moral support.
Don’t make fun, but I SERIOUSLY want those bra strap thingies! OMG!
PLUS that sticky tape for fashion! WOOOOOT!
And hellzya, come along. We’ll make it one fun day of bra shopping and pedicures! (It’s about that time!)
T-shirt bras for the WIN!
Dunno if you have them there, but they are designed to hide the nips in tshirts.
I have teenaged girls, it is all about hiding the nips.
Was actually inspired to go to Bloomingdale’s on the way home from work, The Wacoal rep was there and after what seemed like two days finally found a bra that fit.
I hope I didn’t cave again and purchase just to make it all stop. If I did, the bra will no doubt shrink and sprout spikes. But it does conceal any barometer nipple action.
From VS, I like the foam injection-molded one: the band doesn’t dig into the ribs!!!
I mostly-hate shoulder pressure, though, so I usually wear strapless, even though I’m almost too big for that. [38C/D]
SO, the Maidenform 7955 is AWESOME. the band has an extra elastic strap in the middle to hold it up, and the cups are lined/lightly padded for headlight elimination.
My rack is a bit on the floppy side, too — by the end of college, with a lot of eating, drinking, and Depo-Provera, I was about 40 pounds more than I am now.
I like to wear a 36B/C with an extender in the back: keeps the cups from being too big!
Also, some days, when I’m not feelin’ the bra AT ALL, I’ll just wear a fleece vest to keep the lights off.
Headlights? You don’t like headlights? That is so disappointing. Because, as a man, I can tell you that most of us relatively normal guys LOVE headlights. The brighter the better.
Being a chesty girl (well at one point, now more like long tube socks) I love Target’s Gillian O’Malley lacy bras (I think it’s black with white polka dots now). They seem to hold the girls up where they were at one time and are pretty too! Plus they come n 34DDD. Mine aren’t perky enough for VS anymore and I hate buying the ones that look old lady-ish!