Let’s talk about tampons, shall we?
(Originally Published March 18, 2009)
I’ve had this discussion with a lot of friends. We sit around gabbing about what we’ll be making for dinner and then the switch to our periods and then talk about tampons and pads and having a lovely period.
Right.
But I have had the “OMG, you don’t use a TAMPON” discussion more than once. And the follow up “Aren’t you afraid you’ll leave your tampon up there for like DAYS and then DIE from toxic shock? What a tragedy! “Mom dies from TAMPON. Leaves behind husband and two very young children.”
I mean, comon, tampons can KILL you. What. The. Fuck.
So the alternative, it seems, would be the pad. And while I know, I GET IT, it’s like walking around with a fucking mattress on.
But isn’t it weird to force something to stay in your body that most definitely wants to come out? That NEEDS to come out? It’s sorda like shoving a box of Kleenex up your nose when you have a cold and then being TOTALLY SHOCKED when you get a sinus infection?
So then what? What alternatives are there?
The diva cup? Which, according to one friend is apocalypse friendly. I mean, NO WASTE!
Except for the whole menstruation waste thing. And the whole “how the hell do you get that IN there and.. or.. OUT of there..”
Gag.
So it looks like we’re stuck. We’re either walking around with strings hanging out of our cooches, or we’re wearing a mattress sitting five feet higher than normal, or we’re collecting menstruation waste in a cup to save for later.
Being a woman is so glamorous.
What’s your solution?
Mine: A red tent, vodka, a bong, and sixteen pounds of chocolate.
Right.
17 Responses to “Let’s talk about tampons, shall we?”
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Author: Mrs. Flinger
Ya know, these days, EVERYTHING can kill ya. Tampons are perfectly reasonable protection if used correctly. Personally, I use both tampons and pads depending on if I’m going anywhere. Tampons for “on the go” and pads for lounging around at home. But I use the Always thin ones with wings, and I can barely tell they’re there.
There really IS a solution, but the problem is that by the time we start our period, we’re in no mood to see it.
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THIS was your most embarrassing post ever??
Ditto on TSM’s method of combo, tampons on the go, pads at home.
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I use pads. And I’m okay with that, except that my friends are always SHOCKED and OMG how can you DO THAT??
But I hate tampons. I just…do.
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To quote a very famous (and wise) Ogre, “Better out than in, I always say”. GO PADS!
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I’m a Diva cup girl. I used to be pads only, tampons freaked me the hell out. I mean, the thought of sticking something up in me on top of the “OMG toxic shock!!!” just kept me as far away from them as possible. But the Diva is cheap (no need to buy products) and earth friendly (no nasty things sitting in the trash).
There’s definitely a learning curve on figuring out how to use a Diva, but now it’s a piece of cake.
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I love love love my Diva Cup.
Apparently I have a ‘mid positioned cervix’ … which means that tampons often get only partially used before they’re dripping out the string, which, yuck and waste. Which led to worry and checking frequently in case of need for changing.
With the Diva cup, I can go hours and hours, confident that I’m not going to get my clothes dirty.
Yeah, it can be a little tough with timing — I just make sure to empty it before I leave the house & I’m fine.
There are communities on livejournal with tips and support, for people new to it.
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I am all about tamps. Pads are totally gross to me – too much mess to clean up. Change ‘em often, and there should never be a problem with TSS. I did use the “Instead” cups in college, had a TERRIBLE spill during class and could not go home… will never even try the Diva cup.
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Diva all the way, baby!!! It doesn’t need to be emptied that often – only a few times a day. Into the toilet with your pee… that’s it! I wash it out with hot water and Diva wash each time… and boil it at the end of your cycle for next time.
I have been using it since my 2nd postpartum period after Ashley was born, so for about 6 months now – and have never looked back!
Really, after you master the fold techniques, it’s a cakewalk after the first two cycles… and you can always use a panty liner “just in case.”
I didn’t trim the stem on mine, and that helps to get it out… you just kinda squeeze the whole thing like a C shape to get it out.
No messier than your average diaper change… and it doesn’t smell!! Plus, you’ll feel downright smug when you can pass up the “feminine hygene” aisle completely!
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I’m a tampon girl and have been since junior high. I’ve never had a problem and I’ve NEVER forgotten about the object in my cooch and left it there for days and days. LOL That would just be weird!
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I’m a tampons + pads girl b/c I usually have 3 days of superhuman flow.
Every time I see the “have a happy period” logo I want to claw out someone’s eyes. Usually I just go chew Midol, instead.
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Ya know, I’m just not athletic – and I mean that as in I can’t walk and chew gum kind of athletic. I’m thinking a diva cup would be completely out of my league.
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That picture is CRACKING ME UP!! I hate having a period. Gee-ross. I really hate tampons. I have yet to meet one that I like. Make what you will of that. But, yeah. The whole thing is just very inconvenient and requires loads of Aleve (was quite high on Aleve due to cramps on my son’s 5th birthday WHEEEEE), Hershey bars, and Mountain Dew. Mmm. The holy trinity of period relief.
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LMAO! I completely agree PERIODS SUCK! Thanks Eve for biting the apple!
Oh and that pick is too damn FUNNY!
Classy Jen
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I’ve always used pads, sorry but i can’t use tampons and i never will
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I like options, so I use both. Sometimes even at the same time, because really? I have those days where I’m pretty sure that I’m going to bleed out. And I with whoever said that seeing have a happy period makes them want to claw out somebody’s eyes, except…I just want to punch them in the throat.
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Do people die if they leave a tampon in for a week? No. How do I know? Because when they realize it’s been a week since they last removed their tampon, they come to me to get it out. (Is my life as a doctor glamorous or what?) The tampon may not kill you but the horrific god-awful stench of a week old tampon might!
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I use tampons because I like to stick things into my vagina. So there.
I wanted to use the Diva because of the whole “environmental awesomeness” and “never buy feminine products again” things but both times when I was about to buy it, I got pregnant right before I purchased. (And I miscarried both times.) Now I’m fucking afraid to even THINK about buying that thing. *Makes the sign of the cross and runs away*
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