PSA: Stop Hatin’! by @undercovermama

Can we talk?

I want to talk you go about… jealousy. About hating, specifically.

Why the hell can’t some (not ALL…never you, I’m sure) people be happy for each other? You know what I’m talking about. I say I’ve lost 5 pounds, they ask how many more I’ve got to go. And then I say FUCK YOU . My husband buys me flowers for no apparent reason and people wonder if he’s done something wrong. I say that I’m going to Vegas for the weekend. AGAIN. They’re all “OMG. I would always be broke if I went to Vegas the way you do” In a way that clearly says, Girl, you know you can NOT afford to go to go on ANOTHER road trip. Also? I disapprove. (See also: back-handed compliments) Okay. Nobody asked YOU to go somewhere. I said *I* am going. Stop hatin’.

Hatin’ (hāt’in) v. When one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy

Hater (hāt’ur) n. A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success/happiness. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person

Are you, or is somebody you know, a hater?

My grass may look greener, but you have no idea what my water bill looks like. You don’t know how long and/or how hard it is for me to lose weight with an underactive/non-existent thyroid. Maybe he bought me flowers because I just fucking love flowers. I could have decided to take a last minute trip because I scored a free room in Vegas, which…when you live in L.A., makes the cost of Las Vegas negligible to a trip to Disneyland. Except without the bajillions of STROLLERS although, to be fair there are a lot of kids in Vegas and WTF? Why are there people with brand new babies on the strip at 3AM and why isn’t anybody saying anything and…you know what? How I feel about kids in Vegas is a whole other post, so back to my point: All I need is spending cash for drinkin’ and gamblin’….Okay. Fine. GAMBLING, because I never pay for my drinks in Vegas. (Don’t start getting all Judy McJudgyson on me now. Come on, stick with it)

Sometimes, when I tell you about something good in my life, I just want you to be happy for me. Fake it if you have to, please. I am excited about my 5 pounds, latest road trip, my new car (Why yes, my husband surprised me with a new car for my birthday. SEE? IT WAS A TEST. I JUST SAID “DON’T HATE”. Stop that). I don’t need you raining all over my parade because you can’t be happy for me. Didn’t your mama ever tell you that if you don’t have anything nice to say come and sit next to me don’t say anything at all? Can’t think of anything to nice to say? May I suggest: Yay, Congratulations, Whoo Hoo, Awesome, Good for you or even… I am SOOO JEALOUS (that one always makes the receiver feel all warm and fuzzy).

After all, I’m not suggesting that jealousy is not okay. There is an appropriate time and place for everything. Example:

Halle Berry(Golden Globes 2010).
Rich.
Lovely.
Georgeous boyfriend.
Beautiful baby.
Looking even hotter now at forty-fucking-three with her after-baby body.

Honestly. What’s NOT to hate?

12 Responses to “PSA: Stop Hatin’! by @undercovermama”

1. TJB says:

   03/04/2010 at 10:47 am

   I’m so jealous, I’m happy for you, that’s amazing/awesome is what I resort to so I don’t appear to be hatin’. But I’m internally hatin’. I’m a jealous lady, it would nice if I could be happy for you, but I don’t have a heart or a soul so being happy in general is really not an option.

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   briya Reply:
   March 4th, 2010 at 12:09 pm

   Well as long as you give it lip service, that’s all you can do. LOL.

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2. SarahInMI says:

   03/04/2010 at 2:20 pm

   Yeah, can’t help but get a lil jealousy in gear for Halle because… damn.

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   briya Reply:
   March 4th, 2010 at 8:54 pm

   RIGHT? It’s okay to hate on SOME people because…really? She just has it going on. I HAFTA find a reason to hate.

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3. Mom2Jazz says:

   03/04/2010 at 4:26 pm

   *standing ovation* How DARE you let strangers and MALE strangers at that buy you drinks Ms Bri? I am so dissapointed. tisk, tisk, tisk *shaking my head*

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   briya Reply:
   March 11th, 2010 at 10:45 am

   don’t be jealous. Heh.

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4. Tee Tee says:

   03/05/2010 at 9:23 am

   Preach it Preacher! You tell em’!

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   briya Reply:
   March 6th, 2010 at 7:31 am

   girl, you know I’m trying.

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5. Maria says:

   03/11/2010 at 8:45 pm

   I’m jealous, all the time, because that’s how I roll. If you don’t like it, it’s because you’re a HATER.

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   briya Reply:
   March 12th, 2010 at 9:55 am

   I don’t believe you for a second. Also? I’m the OPPOSITE of a hater. I’m a CONGRATULATOR. (is that even a word?)

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6. mel says:

   03/15/2010 at 12:01 pm

   I’m soo jealous of your 5lbs, new car and vegas trip. for real. underactive thyroid over here! and i’m not trying to 1-up you either. hate those people. there could be another post on them too.

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7. Al_Pal says:

   03/17/2010 at 5:01 pm

   Word. I’m a Congratulator, too.
   Grats on the 5 lbs, the new car, the roadtrips. Rawk it!

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