So you decide to go to sleep to stay out of trouble?

And then the only dude from your laminated list who knows you exist actually emails you and says, “Oh hai, here’s the video you gave me party photos for last fall. Bee Tee Dubs it’s ‘I Want Your Sex’.”

Sometimes it is like the universe just wants me to implode from sexual frustration.

Join me won’t you? And check out all the Room 704 Contributions in this vid.

I could smell him. In a good way. In a “panties burst into flames kind of way.”

But we were determined to be good. We were supposed to be napping between classes. He was. I wasn’t. My pulse was racing in my neck as I tried to distract myself from flipping him over and fucking him good and well right there.

Which was funny, as I had no clue how to fuck anyone. Much less good or well. For a girl who had a few notches in her bedpost you’d think I’d have some skills. But I was the girl who kept getting dumped after that all important third date. It was difficult to learn without repeat lessons with the same person.

I was snuggled up next to number one on that list. We were being “good” but it was getting harder.

Mmm. Harder.

Hard. Er.

Mmmm.

His breath in my hair. His heat against mine. Fat chance I was sleeping.

For long minutes he slept as I pretended to sleep. Switching from multiplication to counting backwards from 100. Sadly math only seemed to lull me asleep while actually sitting in Algebra 1811.

The phone rang and was ignored. However. It woke him just enough.

He pushed closer. He kissed my neck. He pulled my hair aside to find more kissable places. I turned my mouth over my shoulder toward him.

He flipped me onto him. Hands moving up my legs. I could feel him.

Harder.

I knew my days of being good were over. This wasn’t the backseat of a high school hoopty. This wasn’t drunk after formal. This was mid afternoon, bright sunlight, thank you self for locking the door from roommates, omg why aren’t I wearing a hot bra – kind of misbehaving.

He moved his hands to my face and into my hair. Knowing at least one thing he liked, I pulled my hair free and slid the elastic on my wrist. He wrapped his fingers in my hair. The way he liked it.

The way I liked it.

We kissed. Little bites. No tongue necessary. My pulse actually slowed as I relaxed onto him. The anticipation and the rules already broken, I relaxed and enjoyed.

His hands moved up my shorts. He felt me and then pulled his hands back down. He pushed me up and smirked.

“I see how you are.” I smiled. He had discovered my underwear free secret. I shrugged and slid myself up on the harder just a little more.

I occupied myself with that as his hands searched and pulled. In minutes our shorts were gone and we were skin to skin. As our shirts joined our shorts he smiled. “You trust me to see you naked.” I smiled again.

In another moment he pushed inside me. Where I had been waiting for him to be.

With some incredible movie hero stamina we changed position time and again. We traded who was in charge. Him smiling, “That’s my girl.” When I moved myself around him just right. There were acrobatics. There was gentle sexing. There were sweet words. I was flipped to my front and fucked like we were in Paris for long minutes. More kisses. More sweet words and promises of more to come.

To come.

When we were finished, we went to the shower. He ran the soap over my arms and breasts. We traded positions to rinse soap and bickered over water temperature. As the water was shut off, he suddenly leaned in and grabbed my face with both hands, kissing me once again.

I knew one thing for sure.

We were totally skipping the next class and doing this again.
~
photo credits:
“Disco nap Copenhage” by Kathy Coleman / CC2.0
“Tower” by Shawn Allen / CC2.0

That guest? Is probably me.

I will also be drinking most of your booze unless my “Is it or isn’t it?” vegan booze app on my iPhone informs me that the alcohol you have provided is not cruelty-free.

I never thought that I would be THAT guy but now that I’m vegan I spend more time scrutinizing food than I do actually eating it (and somehow I’m still overweight. Go figure). I would love to be able to eat outside of my home and actually have OPTIONS and I know I’m not alone. If you are friends with vegetarians and vegans you have probably heard this rant before. And you got to hear it again!

You can easily modify the standard party fare to make it vegan friendly. There are a gazillion recipes on the internet so if you are looking for something specific just Google “Vegan Whatever” (or whatever food you want to make) and you will end up with an overwhelming amount of choices.

My favorite site is the Post Punk Kitchen. It’s a vegan kick in the ass and a killer resource for recipes. And don’t worry – you won’t see any photos of animal cruelty as you browse for recipes.

If you don’t want to put in the effort to please your vegan guests I recommend chips and salsa. Just make sure the ingredients don’t list “sugar” because sugar isn’t vegan (bet’cha didn’t know that). And yes, food manufacturers put sugar in EVERYTHING. Keep the menu simple and you should be safe. And please, no bacon.

But really? Who the fuck cares about food? People attend parties for one thing – BOOZE (okay, and to hopefully get laid. But you can’t eat…. wait. Nevermind.). Most non-vegans are unaware that there are animal by-products in many beers and wines. Unfortunately, there isn’t some standard “reds vs. whites” rule because each vineyard does its own thing to its wines. Before you purchase wine for your party check out Barnivore’s wine list as well as their lists for beers and liquors. Barnivore also has an iPhone app that I use every single time I go to the liquor store (which isn’t a lot, I swear. I mostly buy my booze from Super Target. I live in suburbia, y’all. Target is like church for me.).

The key to pleasing your guests who have unique diets is to be sensitive about it. Don’t be a dick and joke about how you had to use “fake” cheese or “fake” sour cream or make comments about how the spinach plants had to die for the spinach dip. Seriously? Fuck you. Plants don’t have feelings. Just get your vegan party guests drunk.

Unless they’re straight edge. Then you’re fucked.

Before I could knock, the door flew open and he pulled me inside. His mouth was all over me in an instant. It had been so long since we had been together that the heat was immediate. Hands tearing clothes off, frantically making our way to the bed, mouths searching familiar territory.

He suddenly stopped. Taking my face in his hands, he looked into my eyes. “I love you” he whispered before kissing me so tenderly that I thought I would melt. Before I could reply, he told me what his plans were for me and then he began to act them out. Minutes turned into hours as we reunited in that small room. My body shook uncontrollably, I fought to stifle my screams, and I caused a minor injury to his lip due to the fact that I couldn’t keep my hips still.  When I thought I couldn’t take any more, he pushed me over the edge once more. And then again. And when it was all over, he held me. Wrapped around each other, sweaty and satiated, we caught up in other areas. As we talked, he brushed my hair out of my face, not knowing what that simple move does to me. In that moment, I was his.

The time finally came for me to leave. I slowly pulled my bra and panties back on and loved to take in his expression while he watched me. I had never felt sexier. After several start-and-stops, I was once again dressed. As I stood in the bathroom, brushing my hair and touching up my make-up, he came up behind me. Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed my neck and tears sprung to my eyes in realization that I had to leave such an amazing day behind.

He helped me into my coat and walked me outside. As I drove away, I glanced into the rearview mirror despite the fact that I hate looking back. I caught the number on the door as it swung closed again. That was the last time I saw him.

While we might be fans of Room 704 around here, room 123 will always be the place where I spent the most amazingly sultry afternoon of my life.

photo credit: balinto / CC 2.0

. . .           our secret kisses

. . .  your cool hand          under my shirt          on my humid skin

. . .  the feel of you          through our jeans

. . . your lips on mine     daring to be caught     in my car     behind your house

. . . while toad the wet sprocket sang ‘good intentions’ on the radio . . .

. . .  your mouth on my . . .your hands on my  . . . your tongue touch my  . . .

. . . oh oh you in my  . . . i arch . . .  i stifle my shout     into      a                         sigh

The following events happen in real time:

kaisermommy: who all is here? cuz i need a spot of help

Amazing Greis: I’m here.

Angie: mee

kaisermommy: I gotta write an intro/welcome post for the march issue

Angie: nod

Amazing Greis: Do we go live tomorrow?

kaisermommy: but I’m lazy and I figure we could all do it right here and then I could screen cap it and we can share our skype awesomeness with everyone! Yes! We go live on March 4th!

Angie: haahahahaa

Angie: can i give some assvice?

kaisermommy: will it make me skinny?

Angie: no

Amazing Greis: damn, you got my hopes up.

Angie: but just from my experience and either talking about skype chats or posting skype chats… readers feel left out and it makes them turn away

Angie: kind of a club they’re not allowed in to…

Angie: knowwhatimean?

kaisermommy: oh crap. but lots of people hate skype and don’t want one more thing to deal with online. so maybe we harrass peeps to hijack the comments on this post?

Angie: wha?

kaisermommy: OR! I know! We can have a Room 704 Open Chat! Every beesh is invited!

Angie: ohhhhh yeah

Amazing Greis: That would be good.

Angie: ya

Angie: THAT would be a good welcome/intro post

Angie: for

Angie: sure

~

That my friends, is how ideas get started. Want more 704 more of the time? add Kaisermommy as a contact with something about Room 704 Open Chat in the contact adder thing. We are SO excited to see read even MORE of you!

edited to add – oh yes – our March theme is Green and check out all the new writers who jumped on board!

A year ago today, we were heading to Nashville for BlissDom aught nine. We had no idea that by the end of the weekend the entire conference would know our room number.

In one of the sessions, Amy Clark (aka Room 703, aka one of the original Room 704 because being in the same suite totally counts) (That goes for Michelle Lamar as well.) talked about writing ‘classic content’ so you could republish it if necessary and about posting on a schedule so your readers would know when they could expect to find new content.

From this, an idea formed. An idea of three somewhat slacking bloggers to band together to write a blog.

Over the last year we’ve gone from here:

The Infamous Room 704

To a spur of the moment trip to Seattle in March:

Classiest Beeshes You Know

In April we trusted each other enough to share our cry eyes for Maddie:

We can cry as hard as we can laugh.

We threw a slightly larger party in July:

Room 704 party in Chicago

We shared what we could about Money and Prettifying Blog Space at TAMC in September:

Photos of Type A Mom Conference 2009 provided by @paperfans and Tiny Prints streaming via Eye-Fi

“We” had a great time in Vegas in December:

What, it's totes not photoshopped.

We spent January with an idea that goes back to one that Amy shared a year ago. Classic Content. Post on a schedule. So for January, we used our classic content. One last month.

We gathered our staff writers and shared our plan.

We’re going to post once a month. You’ll know where to find us and if you want to know exactly when to find us there is the handy dandy newsletter sign up on our homepage.

Take off your shoes … put on your sexy shoes … paint your nails … get a smoothie … get some chocolate … whatever makes you feel great … come Celebrate our First Birthday with us.

For all ya’ll reading this who forgot to set your clocks forward and who missed church, and for those of you who forgot to go to church for the 42nd year in a row . . .

“I’m pretty sure if you take all the Psalms and lay them out one after the other and let a toddler mix them all up that it will say “TAKE A FUCKING CHILL PILL, The word of the Lord.”

The person comes up behind you and you suddenly can’t breathe. Or you begin to shake. It’s nothing you control, it’s an automatic response.

And it’s not your spouse.

It’s a strange phenomenon, pheromones and chemicals. The interaction between two bodies of atoms colliding in a spark.

Have you ever had that and tried to explain why you only see this person every four years? Or why you don’t drink near them? It’s not that you don’t trust yourself but it’s that you don’t trust your SELF.

Have you experienced this?

So I got this to try out – a gspot vibe -in the never ending search for my G spot. Before I even get started – let me tell you – I still didn’t find that mutha effer. The gspot. Not the vibe. The vibe I can find just fine. I comes in this nice metal box (I said box) which is nice.* It’s surrounded by a fuzzy/foamy cut out to keep it safe – the drawback is it kinda sheds on the vibe. When I first pulled it out it smelled like…. vanilla … I dunna… but something pleasant smelling. The material safety is a 4, which is a little low for my liking, and like the jelly vibe that Miss reviewed . . .

“The best way to clean vibrators or dildos made of jelly is warm water and a toy cleaner. Another thing about the jelly vibrator is that hair and dust can stick to it very easily. It’s annoying.”

Just Miss

Same goes for vibrators made of this TPR stuff:

“TPR is less porous than cyberskin but more porous than silicone, so we recommend using condoms when sharing. TPR toys cannot be disinfected with boiling water. You can wash them with warm water and toy cleaner or mild soap.”

Eden Fantasys Sex Guides and Tips

It has three settings, which is nice, but this thing is damn near “wake the toddler” LOUD. Now way I could ever use this with, say, inlaws sleeping in the house.

So it’s a fail to me as far as the G-spot stim, but for the C-stim it works quite well – If I take a half a second to be patient I can get off with it on the first and then second speed and be in and out in about 5 minutes. Works for me. I’ll keep looking for that G spot. Maybe I should quit writing the reviews and head on out for the actual SEX part of the SEX TOY. Hm. …..

*As I pulled this out to review, I noticed something about the box

It’s a typo – can you find it?

(Sex toys provided by Eden Fantasys adult store.)